Are you in no-mans-land when it comes to romantic gestures? If you’ve been trying any of these, then you’ve been doing it all wrong.
Being romantic is hard and, unfortunately, when you’re pursuing a woman, she’s going to expect you to pull out all of those aww-worthy stops. But what’s considered romantic nowadays? Throwing your coat over a rain-puddle might have flown in the 1920’s, but now, your girlfriend is more likely to laugh than swoon… and should you really be making a grand, public gesture of romance in your pursuit of love?
While some romantic comedies may try and steer you in the right direction, the truth is that most of these tricks are in line to get you a restraining order, not a fairy tale ending. If you’re trying hard to get the girl, and you feel like nothing is working, odds are you’re getting bad advice somewhere!
What “romantic” gestures do women hate?
Here are 7 seemingly romantic gestures you should probably leave on the back burner.
#1 Trying to be the man of her dreams. Doesn’t the idea of you being exactly the kind of person she wants you to be sound charming and romantic? This may work temporarily to get her to like you, but ultimately, this is a terrible idea for so many reasons.
First, you’re not being true to who you are. Second, you’re scamming her into liking you. And third, because of the former, she will likely end up resenting you for not being the person you claimed to be during the wooing stage of your courtship! Trying too hard to like everything she likes, or trying to force chemistry can come across as creepy.
#2 Buying her clothes. What better way to woo the girl of your dreams than to buy her some sexy lingerie or a hot summer dress to show her off in? Surely the brownie points will just pile up, right?
Wrong! While it may seem terribly romantic to dress your girlfriend, odds are she has her own tastes, especially when it comes to underwear and lingerie. Due to varying bust sizes from store to store, your gal will likely want to try it on before making her decision. Unless you’re an absolute genius when it comes to picking lingerie, this present is better left in gift card form!
#3 Not taking no for an answer. You know how in movies when the male lead is turned down, he proceeds to relentlessly pursue the woman of his dreams, often making grand gestures of love in the hope of winning her over? Examples include 10 Things I Hate about You, Say Anything, Just Friends, Grease, Can’t Hardly Wait, and, one of the worst ones, Love, Actually.
Let me be the first to say that not taking no for an answer is not romantic–it’s annoying. If the object of your affections has turned you down, she probably feels awkward enough. She doesn’t need you shouting your affections all over town and making her feel even worse about having to turn you down a second *or twentieth* time.
#4 Too much too soon. If you’ve just started a romantic relationship with someone and you are absolutely brimming with affection, best to keep some of those feelings to yourself! Women love to feel cared about–everyone does–but showcasing a world of affection, compliments, romantic gestures, texts, goodnight emails, and good morning emails isn’t a way to romance her… it’s a way to scare her off!
This may seem like the exact opposite of everything you’ve ever heard about relationships, but the truth is that, just like men, some women can be incredibly put off by a clingy boyfriend at the beginning of a relationship. If you’re already telling her you love her a week or two into the relationship, she’s going to feel like she’ll never catch up to your insatiable appetite for her. Be balanced with your affection. [Read: 10 reasons saying “I love you” too soon sucks!]
#5 “Be the mother of my children.” Believe it or not, many men think this line is a romantic shoo-in. Why? The phrase obviously denotes that you’d like a future with the woman in question and are serious enough about her to want to start a family together. This may sound well and good to you, but to her, it may sound like more like a prison sentence.
This isn’t to say that having your baby would be torture for her, but does she even want children? Does she find this sentiment creepy or sweet? It’s best to really get to know your lover’s opinion of these things before busting out the fatherhood angle; otherwise, she may just be laughing about your line with her girlfriends!
#6 Making labels. I’ve had guys do this to me–claim I was their girlfriend when we’d only barely hung out. This is not romantic. It’s pushy, presumptuous, and irritating. The bottom line is this: don’t assume anything! Unless you’ve asked your love interest to be your girlfriend and she said yes, you probably shouldn’t change your relationship status anytime soon.
#7 Buying her gifts… for the house. So, you live with your sweetheart? Well then, a happy domestic life to you both! Just remember this last piece of advice: if you have an anniversary or present-worthy occasion coming up, don’t buy her a home-related gift.
Even though you now cohabitate, she might not want prior gifts of makeup and event tickets to be replaced by a crockpot, a new lamp, or the best new Swiffer on the market. Home gifts couldn’t be further from romantic, and will make her feel like she’s become a domestic bore to you–one that’s not worthy of truly feminine gifts!